Telling our kids lies sometimes just pops in spontaneously. We just want to make them feel soothed and calm or special and optimistic. The truth is that doing this may not work in their interest all the time.
Let us focus on making the best out of our children by letting them focus on possibilities rather than the mirage. All those misleading statements we may have made to make things better for them may not be painting an accurate picture of reality.
1. “When I was your age, I never would have done that.”
It is abominable to make my child think that I was the perfect kid. I may just have been as lousy, frustrating and difficult when I was his age, or even worse. Reality demands that we tell our children the truth of who we were, rather than making them feel that we lived superhuman lives when we were kids.
2. “It won’t hurt. I promise.”
We do tell our kids this type of lie when we take them to the hospital and the doctor is going to give them a shot. This becomes an obvious lie in no time. When the needle is pierced into their skin, it hurts. It hurts a lot. And they don’t simply become distrustful of us; they also become distrustful of the doctors.
3. “We will come back later.”
We are never coming back. This lie only gives them false hope. Yes, the kid wants to stay and he/she is grumbling about how it is so unfair to be taken away that we feel that the only way out is to throw in this type of lie to calm their nerves.
4. “I don’t know.”
Yes, our kids ask us a lot of dumb and challenging questions. Sometimes it is so frustrating trying to answer every question that they have and providing them knowledge they so desperately seek.
When I tell my kids this lie, it is just because I really want to get them off my back. Perhaps I should encourage their inquisitiveness and tell them the things I really know and the things I don’t know, instead of shooting them down because I we really do not want to deal with the question.
5. “Looks don’t matter, it is what is on the inside that counts.”
This doesn’t apply in many cases. If you are dealing with humans, most times they will judge you by what they see. There are several studies to prove that what is on the outside conquers what is on the inside. This is why attractive people are perceived as more confident, competent and sociable.
6. “You are special.”
We make our kids think they have some superhuman attributes that make them special or better than the other person’s child. The truth is that our children are no better than the other person’s child. They are unique but they are not special, because every child could be better or worse than your child at something.
It is better for us to make them focus on their gifts and strengths and fostering those to make the world a better place rather arrogantly telling them that they are special.
7. “It is not whether you win or lose, just work hard and play the game of life.”
I don’t suggest you tell your kids this. The truth is that life is not fair, and the person who plays the game of life hardest may eventually not get rewarded. What is on the scoreboard could portray a different reality than what is being played on the court. Let your children focus on improving their skills rather than merely working hard. Yet, let us not forget to tell them that hard work provides a better result than not working at all.
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